In the theater of my mind, I used to play several roles: The self-righteous me and also the roles of the bastards who I believed had slighted me, ignored me, wronged me. I would argue with the person and concoct his or her response. Back and forth, me supplying both sides of the argument. The mean-spirited, make-believe battle, I feared, was triggering the release of a brain chemical that was ultimately going to make me very sick.
The crap in my head was causing depression. A palpable sense of grief throbbed near my sternum most of the time. I felt as though someone I loved had died.
I’ve wondered if people could sense that judgemental vibe radiating out of me like a rank odor.
Nothing I did to change me worked.
Then I opened my heart to Jesus.
The Bible says, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh,” (Ezekiel 36:26 NIV)
My new heart is beating. The cesspool that was my mind is becoming clearer. Oh, not every single minute, but most of the time.
Think of all the time and money I wasted on Deseryl, Zoloft, shrinks and bad behavior.
I wonder how many psychologists tell clients, “Turn to God. Read the Bible. Follow Jesus.”