Delete the Tapes

ballet-71002_640As always when I call Becky every four months or so for a catch up, we quickly delve into deep conversations. This call was no different.

“I remember Mom enrolled me in a dance class when I was a little girl,” Becky says. “I was standing right there and I heard Mom tell the instructor, ‘I don’t care if she learns how to dance, just teach her to walk.’ ”

“Ow!” I say. Becky is recalling a “tape” that was inserted 55 years ago. Tapes – those messages adults (usually parents) install in our minds when we’re emotionally pliable and utterly dependent on them for survival.

Becky continues, “To this day I avoid any activities with movement, like Zumba.” Her voice is brittle.

I tell her about one of my tapes and how it still controls my behavior today. Becky has been a child of God since she was 12, so I’m comfortable with taking this tape conversation into another realm.

“The thing is,” I say, “those tapes were recorded when we were not equipped to disable them. Even now as adults we can’t delete them.” My energy and voice rise as I realize something. “Even your mother can’t delete the tapes she put in!!!”

“Yeah, I know,” Becky says softly.

“The only One who can delete those tapes is Jesus Christ!” I’m almost embarrassed by how my passion and excitement must be resounding in her cell phone and her ear.

“Yeah,” she replies. She doesn’t sound convinced or relieved.

Without our tapes, who would be be?

We’d be free to dance. Or not dance. It would be our free choice.

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About beth

I started this blog in 2011 shortly after I finally opened my heart and mind to Jesus as a last resort. My intent with this blog is to share what I learn and feel along my path with Jesus.
This entry was posted in christianity, conversion, death, depression, family, family problems, parents, problems with kids, salvation and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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